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Friday, August 26, 2005

k...finalli feel like blogging...fiNalli okie...hahax. previously realli didn't had the time to do all this...but todae...i am going to have a rather long entry...: )

yOu cannOt imagiNe the stress i am facing in JC life...yes, you cannot imagine. everYthing seem so finEx to me on the surface...still revising at my oWn pace...still doing everything @ my own stePs...everything seem so nOrmal...but wakE up manX...this is NYJC lei...where competition is so tough. CommOn test is juX over and theRe coming pRomos...tot it would jUst be another bAttle with ExamS. buT, i was totally wroNg. i am not being paranoid la. i just dont like the eyes that some people give me. as if they take me as their target. ok la, i admit that i was veri happie to be in the honour roll...but it is giving me so much stress now. People are aiming at me as if like i am their competitive partner. And the competition is like u shld have seen it lo...some people, so exaggerating lax....i don't know how tO put it...it juX makes u feel so....aiya, i don't know how to say la. enough of HonOur roll lolx...eveRythinG is over...it doesn't mean i will get it forever....i aM so worrIed i caNnot take the PressuRe if i am Not in thiS time seriously lax....becox the surroundings is giving me juX too much PressUre that i have to give Myself...k...but as foR now, i have been Trying to reLaX le....don't want to push myself too Hard...and tryinG to change my attiTude to doinG my beSt can Lex...hmmX...try to ignore thOse words wHich could ever sound offensive r huRting to me and continue to work... : ) sO wish me gd luck, k... : )
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

to think of it, mabi i am the one that is afraid of losing...ya, i am. i am fear of failures. becox i have fell before. i know how painful it is..i know sad it is...becox i have fell. mabi it is all becox of me who have caused all this thoughts. mabi i am the one who cannot take things in an easier stride...

i am trying mY beSt
...please give mE more tiMe..
to chAnge to soMeone better-

weLL, i was quite upSet by this some sentence this week lolx...: (


i admit i go by the book..be it tests, homework, everything....i don't deny that i am a "C", always cautious of everything and i am afraid of criticisms. i don't deny all this. buT, please la, how well do u know me for u to come to such a conclusion? Am i that competitve? at least i am not those who forget the fact that i still have a group of JC friends to talk to and that they place an important place to me la. becox i jolly well know that they are the ones who actualli make my life in JC much happier. I must apologize or i must say that ya, in my heart, when even my good friends want to lend notes from me, i will in my heart mind a bit...but, heyX plZ la, how well do u noe me? aNd why do u look so happie when u lended my notes previously and now saying that i don't let you copy...Seriously, compared to secondary school, my tolerance level of lending ppl notes is much higher le. Now, if u say excuse me, can lend notes or not, i will surely agree dex. so, DON'T JUMP TO YOUR OWN CONCLUSIONS...becox u nvr know how hurting it gets...if one day, my gd friend say that i am self-centred or selfish, or watever, i would change or i would trY my best to next time to accomodate to his/her requests...but heYx...now it is U.....someone who always contradict urself..fiNeX!

but mabi it is bcox i am realli so selfish...so badX....i don't knoe....so it is right for u to say that of me la....haix....contradicting again.:(


i aM not that Smart...stop saying that i can score veri high and i will never fail in my lifes. stop saying in a serious manner that "hey, honour roll lei..93..." i know by right, i shld feel honoured enough to do so....i don't mind if u are just joking.....but when it gets to a serious tone, I MIND. i am not tat smart lei...please imagine what would happen to me if i collapsed this time....i don't think it will be becox of the fact that i didn't do well, it will be because of all the words that your have said...what would ur say if i didn't get to honour roll this time??? "maybe things like...wax...someone has finally taken over you..." right? do u noe it sounds sad to me? okie...mabi u tink it is nothing if u say it seriously but it is like a thousand of pricks la. i tink i will oredi be veri sad if i fall in promos and then if u say thiS things, i don't know what will happen to Me....so if u are joking, u can continue...tat i dont mind...but if u are realli seriously out to spite me or watever, ur actions have saddened me....becox u don understand me at all...
and i must repeat again... i am a HUMAN.
I AM NOT AS SMART AS YOU THINK...>>

what i want to say is that i am also a person...i am Yan Xing...mabi the anonymous reading this might be telling me not to complain again....but i am not complaining okie! not everyone leads a good life as what you think. it doesn't meAn that you are hAppy on the surface meaning that you are realli happie. that is so superficial.


K...getting along rather well with my JC clique le....think that can realli talk now...hmMx. shouldn't be thinking much lax...sometimes don mean to talk too much, sometimes realli don mean to say things that i shldn't have said...hope ya understand la. if i have ever hurt ur feelings, i apologize cox i realli don't mean it. i jolly well know who are mY real good friends in JC...and i am glad that ur have brought me joy for the past 8 months....hahax. like graduatioN speeCh...aniwae...realli veri happie lax. and please donT mind saying bad thinGs to me...i don get angri so easliy if u are my friend and a friend that i trust. so if next time find that there's something u don't like about me or i did sth sensitive, please tel me?? don't neeD to scare i get angri..but what u say must have a reason please>>>

that daY sAw miNgwei at the traffic light junCtion...only 1 minute lolx...but the feeling of friendship was back again...hahax...only then i realise how important rebel is to me...it had never changed...till that moment...it remaind so strong lax....only 1 min of chat, but how i wish that we were all in the samE school again....some things will never turn back, but we can always look forward to the better future>>>...finalli going to have 4e1 GATHERING! i am so HAPPIE la...u cannot imagine how overjoyed i was when i heard this news...finally we are meeting as a class again! realli hope to see everyonE again....


taKe caRe
(smiLe always)
-yX- : )

Sweet-ed <3
10:30 PM