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Y


Monday, September 05, 2011

一直误以为自己可以像以往一样没有顾及地冲刺。
但是我的身体却不断地在和我作出无声的抗议。
近日不断地觉得疲倦,厌倦,甚至觉得读书是一件很辛苦的事。
已经没有往日那股不停歇的冲劲了。这样的感觉一点也不好。一点也不好。
身体原来那么地不堪一击。它原来真的需要好好地休息。
我却一直没有给予他任何休息的权利。真是实在可恶。

哈哈。

所以,近日,我实在累得快垮了。尤其是还要面对一些课业以外的事物。很是累人。
每天好像必须遇到不同的事物。无论是家庭也好,友情也好,爱情也好,
他们渐渐地都让我感到疲惫与盲目。我已经不知道我在做什么了。

所以,我真的希望。恳切地希望。
我能够认真地对待我的身体。和我想说话的人说话。如果我不想回答我就是不想回答的权利。
我再也不想为课业以外的事情而感到有压力。 我真的是觉得够了。

所以。从今天起。
我只想做我想做的事。
做让我快乐的事情。
让我找回自己读书的快乐。
其他的事情和其他的人,我一点也不想再提也不想再聊了。
过去的事。我也不想再重提了。

依然相信,明天会更好。

smile always
take care
(yAnxing)2011

Sweet-ed <3
12:27 AM


Friday, September 02, 2011

the weather must have been pretty bad.
or i should blame it on my brother and sister. they might have passed the bacteria to me.
so, once a again, try as i might not, i am sick again.
i am like. how many more times must this keep going on.
just when i have finally resumed school and finally thought i can move on to my pace.
i realse that this "pace" is so difficult to maintain.
harder than the time i had a fall. or probably because i am simply giving myself too much stress.

but then, i doubt so. because everyone is behaving the same way as me. Just how they behave. that is the diference.

i had a really long class on wednesday: from a very early 9am to 6pm. i was actly sick from sunDay. but as usual, i will just be myself. CRAP. haha. went for steamboat on mondaY at a totally off-period. so my class on wedNesday actly freaked me out. because by 6pm; i felt that my body wasn't mine. i was SHAG. especially my face. i am so lucky there wasn't a mirror around. if not i would have puked at my own face. there was a dicussion at around 7pm. so i just hang and the discussion ended at 930pm? everything was actually wrong at 3pm. i was talking nonsense in tutorial, stammering and stuttering like nobody's business and i actually knocked into a glass noticeboard unconsciously. like slam onto it. i think my uni friends saw it and they kinda tot i must be mad. too stressed up. lol

wanted to cab but there was no cab. and to my amazement, i tot i had an illusion when i saw this couple at the bus stop that was PDA-ing 2 hrs before and 2 hrs after i reached the same bus-stop. i even asked my friend whether i was having an illusion. i think they must have heard it; that's why they turned and looked at me. but i couldnt really bother. cause afterwhich , i actually hailed for a school bus when i was waiting for a SBS bus.

probably because i was fortunate enough, i tried to keep calm throughout the journey. talk like the usual way, crap as the usual way, so when i finally reached circle line, i was like..."finally i am near home"...probably because i haven had a chance to relieve my stress or wadever, or probably because the heat was totally burning up my brain, as i see the crowd walking past me in CCL, i just felt so helpless. like oh gosh. am i going to faint here? the trauma of fainting is too huge for me. from previous records. lol. so thinking about the whole day's agenda, i actually teared. like why am i so CRAZY. hmmz. i think it is normal especially when u are alone and u thought something big is going to happen. thursdAy (after i saw a very inexperienced doc.), i practically became even more tired. my legs weren't behaving itself. they FELT so weak that i thought i was going to fall again. so during class, i kept standing up and down every 20mins or so...just to pre-empt that i won't fall. i think the ppl ard me must be tinking tat i am crazY.

so i have been resting and doing nth impt for the past 5 days. such that i hate myself for being so vulnerable to INFECTIONS AND VIRUSES. gosh. probably they liked me so much that they must stick to me. whatever.
and yes, i am going to sleep AGAIN.oh mine.

smile always
take care
(YanXing)2011



Sweet-ed <3
5:41 AM