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Y


Sunday, July 29, 2007

when i always come to the blogger posting page, i realise that we always have to come up with a title. but i always find it so hard to find a good subject lolz. like this particular one the subject is "going august"...gosh that is so bad. rgt? hahaz. well, this 2 days did nothing much. as usual. realli wanted to start community work but no idea where to start with. okie. at least i give myself a deadline. LATEST by November. when everything that i do stabilizes.


come to think of it, i think it is silly to think of some things. but anyway, as i have mentioned in the previous blog that i am going to build up a bit of everything, so that before my next birthday comes, i would be someone better. (hopefully, cause i realise it is not easier said than done...hahaz). yupz, time to forget all the bad memories and only keep the good ones. sounds selfish ar? well, i think life will be happier that way. i suppose? i do hope i can accomplish the small goals i have set ahead this year (as in before next May comes). at least i will feel that i have not wasted a year. rgt.this weekend went alright. had dinner last night with rebel (4 ppl namely, elf, wy, mer,and myself) and it was as usual lo. sounds like some family gathering rgt. hahaz. er, then todae afternoon joc and wy came to my house to do some uni stuffs laz. hope they did benefit afterall. after so much, i have come to realise that they are really one of my strongest pillars besides my family. hahaz. great pals indeed. lolz.


so how should i end this post? mabi not something too emotional again. or ppl will start complaining. errrr...mabi something like i hope that i will see a progress in myself. so yan xing jiayou okie! i know you can do it! hahaz. tat sounds reasonably good rgt?

will be looking forward to rebel outing, and my family outing, just like this week. : )

smile always
take care
(yX) 2007

Sweet-ed <3
4:25 AM


Saturday, July 28, 2007

181th post. wow. that is quite a lot ya. finalli i can go out later. saturday staying at home is not very healthy. hahaz. seriously lolz.

-->i am glad that one of my veri gd friends has found her happiness already. hahaz. finally la, that she gets booked. hohoho. it is like we have all grown up seriously. cannot imagine that but i am not going to dwell much about that, though.

-->went to ktv with my brother and sister at late night yesterday ard 11pm. hahaz. ehz, no sense of embarrassment at all. just keep singing. it is also okie to "po ying" because we are one family. next time must go earlier slots de, then can sing longer. 2 hours was just simply too rush la! but okie la, i thought i enjoyed it. then was to HK cafe, not the one that you see in kovan, but one that has only 2 branches. that place has a veri gd HK ambience which i seriously think many people will like. 24 hours and also more comfy. NO 10% charge also! hahaz. er should go again next time. heez. afterwhich did nothing much liew. reached home at 2am? and then slept all the way. so tired---

-->after giving some thoughts and self-reflection, i have decided to like do something. though i dont know what it is going to be, but i know that i want to improve on myself, as in everything. just make myself a healthier, better and more optimistic person. not easy, but will go all the way! pai tuo! already 2007 le lei. haha. the bad past, i just want to throw them all away. all the waits the i have waited, be it watever i have waited, well, that's another thing. felt a bit upset a few days ago because of some incidents. but i actually acted as if i didn't really bother. hmmz. well, probably from this incident, i get a clear answer. lolz. some things that are unintentional can actually show you how much the other person take you as, and your importance to them. was a bit affected, but well, it is already a few days ago le, so i will forget it. i will look forward to a better me right? hahaz.

smile always
take care
(yX) 2007

Sweet-ed <3
4:03 AM


Wednesday, July 25, 2007

changes seem to occur in everidae of our lives. some are just too sudden, some are very slow, some are veri shocking, some are expected...yet we still have to face them. be it good or bad. will be tired of changes one day that our emotions die down such that we have to adapt and live with it? i am seriously quite confused with that. well, that is beside the point. just hope that the next few days will be alright.


take care
smile always
(yX) 2007

Sweet-ed <3
8:06 AM


Sunday, July 22, 2007

okie. todae i am on duty but still got spare time to blog. that would probably credit to my superior who gave me time to do so. and maybe this would be a good time for me to focus on blogging since i have nothing else much to do. August is coming. i remembered last year this time i would be mugging like mad. how i miss those muggig days. i am not crazy okie. if there is such a huge contrast btw life now and then, you will cherish the precious mugging times.

i seriousli wonder whether i have the confidence to tell myself everything is okie, cause whenever i tot i am ready to move forward one step, i have to take back 2 little steps. this kind of feeling is painful. i haven seen my saviour for like a month and i hope she will be able to help me. maybe not help, but at least simply to listen. by the way, before i move on, recently i have watched 3 movies within 2 weeks plus. i would say Harry Potter is okie la, but not as good as the previous series, and the show Alone which is from the director of Shutter is actually quite good. er, there is a veri good twist lolz. so, ya, the price of the ticket shld be worth it for a $7:50. i would give it 3.5 stars. (my own judgement onli...)probably because it is a bit short and the front part is a bit typical. lolz.

back to what i wanted to sae. yuPz. i was thinking how i actualli can tell myself, hey, everything would be just alright and finez. it is so so not easy. facing the 4 walls especially. but well, i shan't talk more about it. this year has already passed by 7 great months. optimistically speaking, just another 5 more months to go, isn't it? how i wish i am like the girls la. getting into university in 2 weeks time...seriousli want to further study soon and then get out to work. though i don't deny the fact that we are living in a world that is too practical.

i think the world is realli scary. well, mabi not to that extent. narrowing down the scope, i feel that i am in a scary environment, where people push blames, tell lies and most horribly, being a hypocrite. why can't they just be more sincere to one another?i mean is it so difficult?afterall, we are all humans right and we have emotions. one of the main reasons i feel that what i am going through now is tough because till now, i am still unwilling to accept the fact that this is an adult world, and it seemed like there is no one i can turn to trust in this work arena...but no choice, i am just going to stay here. i guess so. that is why i always wanted to turn back time where things are much simpler and the social circle is not that complicated. it is tough to accept the adult society. especially in...you know what.

luckily, i still have my family and *rebel*
and mabi some others? lolz.

take care
smile always
(yX) 2007

Sweet-ed <3
12:16 AM


Saturday, July 21, 2007

5 hours later, i will be up going for regimental duty.
simply tired.
but no choice
at least,
wish me gd luck for the coming week.
it will be a longer battle, more than usual ya.

*with smiles?*


smile always
take care
(yX) 2007

Sweet-ed <3
9:19 AM



5 hours later, i will be up going for regimental duty.
simply tired.
but no choice
at least,
wish me gd luck for the coming week.
it will be a longer battle, more than usual ya.

*with smiles?*


smile always
take care
(yX) 2007

Sweet-ed <3
9:19 AM


Tuesday, July 17, 2007

2 weeks of course plus 2 days has finalli ended. rather peacefully. i must admit that though there are some areas room for improvement especially in the organisation of time and some of the weird people there, i like the course veri much. at the veri least, i am assured home everidae after a one day drill and there are people whom i can look forward to see to. that is the difference. seriousli, i think i am quite useless. useless as in the sense that i am not veri courageous to face up to facts, to admit to many things and that...i dunno what is wrong with me seriousli. i just want to be like a normal adult, who is able to grow up, get a decent job, get married...that's it. but now even this seemed far with all such stuffs cause i am seriousli stress-affected. wadever the case, it is not the physical part that is driving me all over. it is just how the society is moving and how it is a dog eats dog world that makes it dreadful for life to carry on. you just can't sense any sense of security and friendliness in your work arena. when you know jolly well you have to continue for like another "m"months.

pLease give me space to breathe, so that i won't take things so hardly. more importantly, i cannot imagine the country that we are living in. or is it that the fault lies with the person? must high living standards be in xchange for all such rules and regulations that we simply got to move so cautiously? it makes you so tensed up and get you on tenterhooks. wadever.


i am simply just a loser in this reality game and i hate it.
so can i re-throw the dice and get on to a better game?
i doubt so. cause you can't choose. it is the game that chooses you.
that is just how life works. if i could realli pen down my complaints in detail, (which obviously i cannot), i would have written 100 essays already.

take care
smile always
(yX) 2007

Sweet-ed <3
7:37 AM


Sunday, July 15, 2007

finally i have time to blog and update an official entry. LoLz!

this few weeks time passed especially fast. or is it because i am too sensitive? be it wadever it is, i did enjoy myself loads. especially all the moments with rebel. you cannot imagine how glad i am to have them in my life. it is just so special. although i always complain how tiring shopping is, but the fact is that i enjoyed it. because i am doing something i like and something i feel i could do to make them happy. at least for just that particular moment, i would see them smiling happily with big grins on their faces. : )

talking abt the actual outing which is today, we watched Harry Potter at 1135am. but i had to wake up on the earliest sundae because to collect the tickets. walking alone is not a bad thing though, at least there are some time for you to clear up your thoughts. the movie i wouldn't comment but then Harry Potter is already a movie that our whole grp has catched since secondary school days...and it will continue. had lunch at wisma (ichiban boshi), the food was good and fulling. and soon it was the time for cutting the enormous gigantic mango cake....! presents time soon came and i do hope they are veri glad with what they got. afterwhich was to liling's house cause she wasn't feeling too well but i am glad that she is finez. hahaz!

it is really a miracle that we have came so far....remember that the same alley and road we have all walked from we were in secondary days till now going to Uni, some oredi in Army.....everything is just so....unreal. i don't know but i am seriousli veri proud that we have stayed so long together. okie...enough of all this hahaz. though there might be small friction at times, but it will soon get over de. heez.


>>>
>>>

very soon i will be staying in again, bidding goodbye to my stay-out times. it is seriously so fast that i keep telling myself...hey wake up from all this. you are already 19. but what to do? that is just me. i dunno what will happen to me in the future but time is against everything. weekends seem to pass by like anything and there is no way to hail it. it is not something happy to see my friends feeling dull and me feeling dull on sundaes. and to know that this will go on for probably for another 1.5 years. seriousli speaking, i am not sure what lies ahead of me but well, step by step, and that could the only way i can take it.

in fact, i don't miss going back at all. wadever.
i have so much to say but sometimes, we are just at a loss for words.
life is like a unpredictable journey, yet it be it good or bad, we got to tell ourselves to push on. in the first place, we should be thankful that we are given a chance to live, isn't it? but on the contrary, living can also be tiring. don't you agree?

staying stronger might help though i don''t know to what extent.
i miss the toa payoh streets...
i miss the walkways from my house to school...
i miss the times that i needed to wake up at 7am and still complaining...
i miss the tomyam that the aunite sells....
i miss the night study times at 6pm for maths....
i miss the times where all of us were in uniform...
and i miss the times where we were all eating "ban mian" and our recess at the canteen...
and that much...

CAN I LEAPT THROUGH TIME?
JUST FOR ONCE?

smile always
take care
(yX) 2007

Sweet-ed <3
8:01 AM


Monday, July 02, 2007

this is going to be another blog...but this one is going to be a bit different, cause it is going to be exceptionally long... ...before that, must update about what happened over the weekend.

>>I had a realli enjoyable saturday and this could be one of the longest day outing that lasted from 1045am to 1045pm in the night but i felt realli wonderful. our clique went to k lunch and sing our hearts out hahaz though laughter covered most of our voices....eth was simply just veri farnie...i tink i would want to capture such beautiful times with my own eyes lolz. : ) then we went to walk ard and did our last min shopping....for some ppl ...hahaz. and watched a realli 1/2 star movie (personalli tat is wat i feel) at Cenileisure...it is realli not veri okie...because the plot is wrong in the 1st place, so eth is just so OUT OF PLACE. hahaz...i might be too personal here laz. aniwae the name of the show is "Game...."hahaz...afterwhich we went for dinner at Xin Wang tat was ard 9pm already. and we still crapped on! hahaz. orh....simpli cannot imagine how mad the whole grp of us are. realli LOVE rebel loads. hahaz.

den soon it was SUNDAY...ern erm. sundae i practically went to run to "lighten" my burden and then went to grandma house!!! i love them too! hahaz. hmmz i guess i simply treasure them so much that they are my pillars supporting me. i tink i might probably just go bonkers if anything happens seriously.

as for TODAY, ern started with my new signals vocation course. it was not too bad after all cox the lecturers are quite farnie just that the course ends quite late ard 6pm which can make me feel sorta frustrated sometimes. but well, i have given it much thoughts and i think i shldn't be too complacent about it. this is realli better than nth. came home with a foul mood realli bad...like rotten egg then come back still have to....suan le never mind. my mood was quite bad todae....PMS!hahaz. but then i was soon back to my oldself. heez. especially thanks to a particular person cox at least got someone to talk to. though it was nth abt anything but just craps about what i planned to do during wkend and the 9pm show...i felt much better.

well, this was the song that best described me:

走出这间房子的冷清
窥探这个城市的风景
依然厌倦着拥挤
不敢深呼吸
漂浮的云
有惆怅的倒影
走出整个秋天的屋顶
以为就此告别了凉意
依然推不翻过
去走不出寂静
白色的脸
有黑色的投影
我望着窗外夜雨一直下
心开始有点
慌怕弄湿了眼眶
我站在人海不停地遥望
等待着一道曙光
照亮未知的方向嗯
……na……
未知的方向

smile always
take care
(yX) 2007

Sweet-ed <3
7:00 AM