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Monday, November 28, 2005

下午...

我独自在街道彷徨
试着寻找属于自己的一个角落.
旁人的眼光,
使得我手足无措.
我只能凝望着不断穿梭的人群,
那一刻的我,只能不断地往下堕.

两个小时的光阴,
我却已承受不了这种没有朋友和家人在的孤寂.
如行尸走肉般,
我终于蹲坐在那被人唾弃的地方.

原来寂寞是残忍的.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

back to english...hahax. okie. ehx. having chalet this coming 3 days. den past few days doing nothing much basically. but then very tired. hope that everything will still be alright by the time i come back to chalet lo. lolx. eh. i dun think i can start work on 2/12 le. precisely because there is too much things in hand this week to settle. it came and rush in all of a sudden. yupX. my heart felt the extreme pain yesterday again. i realli wonder what is wrong with it. or shld i realli go and see a doctor. but i cnt imagine wat if sth bad comes out. okie. haha.


at least
i am out for chalet this week.
but obviousli
family is still my priority...
i must stress.

: )

smile always
(yX)

Sweet-ed <3
12:08 PM


Monday, November 21, 2005

i cannot imagine why is there ppl who said how much they wished they yearn for an elder brother...

oKie. i am onli referring to my own case here. so no offence.

i realli almost had enough of my brother todae. yes, almost enough. i think he thinks he is the biggest in the famili . he is those kinda of "mu zhong wu ren" type lo. i must admit i realli "pei fu" his filal piety, but "zhi yu" to me, i think having such a brother especially todae is a pain.

he is those who would ask you 100 times the same thing and the questions are always rather silly. for example, when we will in the midst of watching a drama serial, and he have nvr watched before, he will suddenli ask "that XXX is when come out de?" then i will say "Orh..from YYY lo". then he will ask again "From what?" then i will say "from that la". then the 3rd time he ask again, i will answer in a reluctant voice. and what does he say? he will sae why i answer him in such a tone and then what is wrong of him asking me. I almost fainted on the spot with anger. If you cont'd to rebutt with him, it MAKES NO POINT.

yA, that is not the worse ok. todae was horrendously bad. i think he is having a cold or something like that. so he thinks he can put his anger onto other ppl "jian li tong ku zai bie ren de sheng shang" i guess. So, i was using the computer at 920pm. then at about 950pm,
he asked me

"What time are you going to stop using?"

I said "I just started using lei. only 1/2 an hour lo."

obviousli he got nth to say and he kept quiet for 5 seconds.

den he said "you doing homework meh?"

i replied "No. but i cannot use is it?"
(i was obviousli angri because he ALWAYS does not use for homework and he still dare to ask people this ridiculous question.)

den he said "yesterday ni bu shi yong 2 times le lor"

den i was so pissed and said "i onli used ONCE!"

den he kept quiet and at 1001pm, he walked into my room lie down, and asked me to let him USE FIRST. i didn't say anitink cox i was oredi flare up by then. but i wanted to let him use, so i was closing my conversation.

then 5 seconds later, when i was closing my msn,

then he said "ni dao di yao bu yao kei wo yong?"

"you tml got school ar"

"i said no"

then he said "let me use first la! tml i got work lei!"

then i said "I am closing already la" in a totally pissed off voice.

den 3 seconds later, he said "cannot is it. i cannot shout is it?"and kept accusing that i used twice yesterday and he used less than me.

i wanted to punch him that moment. but i know my hands will be rotten to be punch his dirty face. ya. mabi he will strangle me to death. wadsoever. but i don bother.

i HATE ACCUSATIONS.
yesterday, i onli used computer for 1 + hours. and my siblings will saying i used veri long. i was already so angry la! i mean they always use for more than 2 hours, or even 4 hours, and they dare to say me as if they are right. especially my BROTHER. i realli want to SMACK HIM lo.

forget it.

ya, he is always thinking i am a glutton with no fillal piety, i guess.
he always tell me "you don't eat so much ar, must leave some for mother". then i will stare at him. HEY! i noe all that ok. i am not so stopit and bad lo. then i will give him a sickening look and he will say "Like that say also cannot ar?"


and he always say that when i got favour to ask him, i will give him a smile face, so meaning i am a hypocrite. HE IS NOT ANY BETTER. when he got something he wants to know, he will also 3600 degrees attitude chAnge. den if u don answer him, he will then show his true colours.

BUT HE NEVER DOES THAT TO MY SISTER.
i don't know why.

I AM REALLY VERY UNHAPPY ABOUT IT.
but i have been tolerating because i respect him as my brother. now i am thinking why do i have to do so.

<--forget it-->

i noe he is always feeling unfair that thinking that our mother is not treating him good. please, mother is fair to everyone. she scolds everyone if they are wrong. it is just because u infuriate her more. please. can you just be more reasonable??? just like what my grandpa say "ta yue lai yue bu ke yi jie shou bie ren ma ta le".

PRECISELY!

people cannot scold him de lei.
he will always think he is right.
ALWAYS
i wonder how his friends tolerate him
OR mabi he don behave like that with his friends.
please, for jolly well, if he think everyone holds a grudge against him, he is going to be consumed in the society lo! I know he feels inferior sometimes when being compared to Me. but please, CANNOT TAKE JOKES IS IT?

-I REALLY....-

GIVE UP.



smile always
take care
(yX)

Sweet-ed <3
10:58 PM


Saturday, November 19, 2005

wow! finalli blogging le. actualli i am not veri busy this few days. just that i don't know what to blog. i don't realli want blogging to be a habit; rather i just want to blog when i feel that i need to blog. (crapx.)hahax.

<--harry potter and the goblet of fire was a nice movie. i tot. some people say not veri nice. but i still think it is not bad lo. cqn give it 4 stars out of 5. mabi becox i didn't read the book. that's why. but u cnt expect too much also. somemore, a 157mins show, how exclusive can it be as compared to the book right? the visual effects were wonderful! and the ending was quite sad. den i have officially decided to start work and confirm chop at december- 2nd of december. i hope it is not too late. it is exactly 1 month before school re-open. so now i still got about near to 2 weeks break.

-->but i won't consider that break also lox. cox i am doing some meaningful things for this end of the year. i always feel a need to conclude a year that has ended to everyone. it is just so...meaningful. hahax. but then, due to my limited art skills hoh, i think all my meaningful stuffs will turn out to be bad lo. hAhAx. but too bad lei, this year budgeted de. heeX :)

<--this few days, i cannot imagine that i talked about how i wish if time turn back again. ya, how i wish. fat hopes lox. but aniwae, we just gotta get on with life. right? hahax...

counting down to 10 days before chaLet! yea!!
hahax. hopefulli it will be nice.
and memoriable.
(can 2006 not come....)

take care
smile always
(yX)

Sweet-ed <3
10:03 PM


Saturday, November 12, 2005

i shld never sae i like to slack. because that will cause me to fall sick.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------

hahax.

okieokie.

i will move on.

celebrated my JC clique friend birthday on friday. rather belated. but hopefully she does not mind. she is not that petty as far as i knoe. hahax. den we went to the place called yuki yaki i think to eat lo. in the end, still went there even though previous jc clique b'dae go b4 le. hahax. den later went to bowl. i am not going to talk about the content as in what we did elaboratively because i think no need la hohx. okok. den i not bad got 70 points. haha. i know that is considered lousy le right. but den. for me, such a goner case, that is better den nothing. heex. den after that went to meet my rebel clique again! hahax. dis time round got joc, elf, mw, mervy,wy. ya that's all. den we went to a new food court and eat which is in toa payoh. i realli didn't know how much it had changed. just rather drastic. that feeling was not the first time i had in the day. previously as i walked through the ulu streets with my jc clique, i felt a tinge of sadness in a familiar environment...

aniwae, we ate den later played true or dare. realli dare. i think. den play play...ya. that was all for the day. i reached home at near 10pm....

* i guess someone reading this blog now must be killing me for such a boring blog* hahax. okok i just wanted to summarise what i did that whole day. but the below part is the actual start k.

as we ate the dinner, den i tot something was wrong wif my chest. it was getting a bit weird. i didn't feel good at all. den when we went to the garden to sit and abt to play true and dare, my forehead got a bit feverish and then dotx...my heart or chest...like compressed and i had to start breathing as hard as possible. my chest felt so pain so pain....that was the first time i felt so. it even went numb. i tot. all the way till i reached home, it did not got for the better. like a stone was compressing my heart, not releasing it. i read magazine and rested until like 1130pm. den finalli it got better. but the process of getting better was veri bad. i let out a total of "q" burps before i felt comfortable. den i tot mabi becox i eat too much. but den i recalled my meals den i realise tat it was my lightest meal of one of the days. so how could i feel bloated? obviousli not. or is it because there is realli something wrong with my chest? then unfortuantely, it had a relapse at about 1am when i haven sleep and was listening to the radio lo. tat period was tormenting. my mother say i can still read magazine when i so pain. so that means not veri pain. i didn't speak a word aniwae (or less den 10 words) from the time i reached home. cox it was too pain. i was so afraid of sleeping. i tot my heart would stop beating once i sleep and i might not see tomorrow. den i might just dozed off like that...dotx right. you might be laughing at my wild imaginations. but i realli got veri worried. onli until 3:15am den i realli slept. that night was the most terrible night i had for my heart and chest. wadever.

in any case, i don't want to experience this again! it makes me feel so down. but i am not going to examine the cause. what if i go to the doctor and the doctor say something bad? better not. never mind. i hope it will be those of once of a lifetime k. the pain is realli......nobody would want to have de. thankfully, things got better todae. the pain was over. i got tot of the cause and i tot it could be because of something that is not because of my physical status. mabi because of the words i said that are wrong. i don't know. but whatever the case, NEVER WILL I WANT SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO HAPPEN AGAIN...

************************************************************

recently discovered a very wonderful song by chen qi zhen. veri veri nice. i mean to me. not the lyrics. the tune is good. veri simple and veri nice. hahax. highly recommended.

*********************************************************************

tot i could start doing homework. but my mind is working backwards. i think i won't start then. until i realli feel like starting. come on, i even forget small angle approximation. dotx. so i think i will start from the scratch from late november. (or even later) i realli don't know lei. will have to do something for all my friends of 2005. i think it is veri fun. rather than just rotting at home and watch tv. but need capital. sianx. i realli don have $ lex. realli. but........

hahax.

that's all
take care
smile always
(yX)

Sweet-ed <3
10:35 PM


Monday, November 07, 2005

hahax. i have been slacking this week. what is the feeling of slacking like? hmmx...
basically, you wake up at 100pm everyday, eat lunch, watch tv, sleep again, wait for dinner, eat dinner, watch tv, watch doraemon vcds, watch all the movies through vcds that you have missed, then eat supper...hahax. i have done that for 3 days. yea, you can actually translate such a life as PIG. hahax. just that i am more civilized. dotx. hahax.

-->slacking is boring too sometimes. you realli have nothing better to do. but i enjoy the feeling of slacking. no pressure at all. but i guess my next slacking period will be the week after my project work. dotx. hahax. i tel my mind..why not i start doing my hols assignment now? but, my brain just don't feel like doing so, giving them a heck care attitude. i guess highlight of this month will be to play and play. soree abt slacking though. but, i realli don't feel like doing' anitink. (dotx) my brain was overworked this year. really. if i had the money to go for holiday, i don't think i will be here still lo.

<--the question that i had would always be "if only i had..." ya...if only i had. but can had become i realli have? hahax. difficult loX. dotx. the sad thing is even though i am slacking, sad things still happen sometimes. which makes slacking a discomfort at times. loX. but i will not plan to stop slacking until i find that i should start work. so, holidays to my brain!!! :) (dotx)

-->as for the past sad or happy incidents that happened throughout the previous October, let it go. at least the upcoming holidays is something we should look forward. just like what one of my rebel member told me "this is the only period where you can enjoy yourselves..." ya.

<--cant imagine it is going to be my 1 year anniversary of this address blog. dotx. hahax. i am waiting for my 100th blog. wonder what i will blog deN. heeX.

-->haPpy sLacking tO me
<--smile always
-->take care
<--(yX)

Sweet-ed <3
12:40 AM


Wednesday, November 02, 2005

todae..was formalli my 1st class outing for JC class. okie la, not bad lox. attendance was about near to 90%...so veri glad about that.

todae's programme? ehx...went to eat at Han's and deN after that it was about 3pm le. deN we play at the arcade lo. i realise my shooting is realli CMI dex. hahax. but nvm la. den we went to shop for our teacher's gift. lolx! hahax. :) deN we went to sit at the esplanade..take photo de take photo. talk de talk. and we had this discussion which was supposedly to be continued tomorrow...

actualli my attitude towards the discussion was extremeli bad. at least that was what i thought. i remained quiet and even those "bu xue" expression during the discussion. i felt veri bad seriousli. but i didn't know what other expression i shld give though. to be enthusiastic? i just can't make it out of myself. i just felt what i felt. dotx. mabi there were oredi too mani troubles that i faced. (excuse) hahax. deN ya lo. i just didn't feel right to be included in the discussion. i think some will understand why la. hahax. okie. but no matter what afterall, i will still go along with my class! : ) my mood was back when we ate @ the food loft @ marina. hahax. so much to choose from. i regretted not choosing to eat the roasted duck rice lolx! it looked damn nice la! then the cute was also so long! i shld have chosen it compared to laska! but then, laska was cheaper...no choice. cnt spend so much liewX. broKe $$$. hahax. (what a C hoh.)

after dinner was 8+ i guess...den i didn't join the rest to merlion derEx. i was a bit sensitive todae. i tot. aniwae, i didn't want to go because i think that it was a better time for me not to go. (haha...don' think anione will get me). dotx.

however, i must admit that this class outing was still fun! it made me talk to some more people and i don't know lei. u just feel better lox! hahax. :)


*********************************************************************************

rebEL will meet uP soon! this coming friday. though not full strength but still looking forward to it! deN neXt wednesday got everyone again! yea yea! hahax. mad....hAx. bUt thinking about it.....it's time for me to write my reflections 2005 of rebeL familY sooN. dotx. hahax. i don't know lei. does time realli makes a difference? i am always choosing not to believe it till NOW, i am still optimistic that this friendship will go a long way!

rebel
friends 4eva

smile always
take care
(yX)

Sweet-ed <3
10:44 PM