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Sunday, September 24, 2006

finalli i managed to get down to this page. after clicking the internet explorer for almost 10,000 times.....my computer is slow and it is making my complicated mood even more frustrated than ever before>>>

i haven blog for 1 month (almost) but that doesn't mean that nth happened to me; in fact this has been the most stressful month for me. not just prelims okie.

prelims was hard. ern am i saying the obvious. hahax.
don dare to think much.

i have a veri slow computer at home
which makes me seriousli frustrated. i intended to spend some of time online so that i could like browse through certain webpages, unfortunately, the computer simply don like me. so i simply have nth to do at home for today. hmmx. not because i am not studying, it is just that i am not doing it now. for i know, this could the only break i have before i move on to A's. right? so i must make full use of these days. but i cannot keep my mind empty. for i will think and think.....

forget it. wanted to type chinese but then cannot seem to type anything at all. argh!!!
feel like screaming. i feel so bottled up! never mind. school is going to start soon. then i don have to stay at home. Staying at home becomes veri scary sometimes, especially alone.
then i realise i actualli don understand mani of those whom i thot i understand. ya, so manI.
luckily, i know i still have some wonderful people around me to support me. hmmx a bit cliche though. hahaX.

glad to see that everyone is fine. mabi i shld not think too much. mabi. it will be over soon. and what comes after which will be the rainbow. cliche again, hahax. soree.

after prelims i have been going out except todae. a bit tired, but through this outings, i saw a lot and learnt a lot. though it was simply observing and watching. then i told myself, i should always have another perspective. so that i will not be trapped in just one self. that is too scary. but there are somethings, when they happen, they cannot be reversed.

and i simply hate that.
how i wish i can told the whole world what happened.
but i have not done any of that.
i am too tired to do so anyway.
mabi when finalli everything comes to a conclusion, then i will tel my gd friends.
but for that, i think it will be veri long.
though i am not at all involved.
complicated right?

that's why i don't want to grow older.
grow old have to work liao, must always try to be mature, must always think of others, must have a lot of emotions, must have ...........

NO, i am going to forbid that. hahax.
who says we must be like an adult when we are only 18?
nah, i want to treasure the last 3 years of my teenage life.
i can still eat lollipops for what i want. hahax.
even though when the circrumstances forced me to do so.

i admit i am a bit bad at treating people.
hahax. i dont know how say words of praise and care.
hahax. but i hope none of the take it into heart.
for that is the way to add colours to life.
childish it might maybe, still keeping up with the silly jokes
and silly comments,
but then i don't know what else to add on.
mabi i will just think more for others.
that is all i will do.
but not to change the way i behave.

it 's okie
for one day, i will find something to be happy about.
hope it will not be too long?

have been eating outside food for almost 8 months lex.
how i miss....

smile always
take care

Sweet-ed <3
4:40 AM