Sunday, June 26, 2005
hello.....okie....today is 26/6....haven been updating for long....9 days? hahaX....so "long".
Ya, i guess this will be my latest blog before my mugging starts in PROPER.
hahaX. luckily, my exams will put itself to a stop by 1/7/2005 and i will have a break till 6/7/2005 for my brain to get a gd rest and wash. hahaX.
Okie, so let me update on what had happened to my life the previous 9 days. I thought the most happy and memoriable one was none other than ***melissa's birthday! i can tell you the celebration was veri simple, and it was realli thAt siMple. We had lunch @ SwensenS though i just had a drink because i ate already...hahaX...and was too broke for sth like that bcox of melissa's present...haX. Anyway, afterwhich the 8 of us were stuck in where to go. then in the it was to pool. Obviously, a pool idiot like me would never touch it and tot it is juX a waste of $. furthermore, i realli got to save up for the 2 more b'dae coming up. And then it was pool the whole day until 5++. but i didn't even went down once. SURPISINGLY. we wanted to go K BOX but it was damn Ex. $13 +++ ...and it was triple plus manX. who would have the MOOD to sing when they have oredi broken up a big hole in their pockets? hahaX. Luckily, 2 of my friends didn't play too and we juX sat there talking. One of them was the b'dae giRl. SHOCKING RIGHT. hahaX. she shld be playing. but guess she didn't want too. hahaX. tot felt rather guilty for not doing a gd job. everyone was busy with their exAms. we could not POSTPONe it or else it would be meaningless right...
and i guess melissa wouldn't want that! hahax :) she must be celebrating veri happily now, i guess..hahaX.
anyway, then we chat...talking abt what would just happen in the year 2010 to all of us....and it was jux loads of craps. but it was another gathering. it hasn't been time that the 10 of us met. hope it will do so for the next. REALLY.
okiE...then i think the most embarrassing part was when we sang b'dae song in the MRT. hahaX. i wasn't that sporty after all. Still must hide my face. hahaX. but at least there were some brave souls who sang so loudly la. hahaX. but after all, mabi there is realli nth to be embarrassed. it is something to be happiE! hahaX. guess the b'dae gurl must be feeling so tensed up at that moment. heeX. : )
NoW....i am feared up with GP. coming tomorrow. after an unexpected C6, i don't know whar else can happen. Prepared for the worst.
Look forward to the NEXT OUTING.
what a rebellious name.
Friday, June 17, 2005
Well, been a week that i have not blogged...
Received quite a lot of comments from my previous blogs through my tag...
Thanks for everyone concern aniwae.
I knoe this a rough period. hahaX. just like what alexandra said in the tag. Hey! very long time nvr hear ya news le..how have u been? hahax. and Belinda arhx...haha...quite funie...ya tag....next time i might bother you le...haha. mw, thanks!
Okie....aniwae...i must say i have been quite lazie this few days. don't know why. Just feeling quite slacking. trying to study and mug. Think it is getting more and more not of my style lo. Anyway, I really feel very glad that so mani ppl asking abt me. : )
But, quite surprised that i got this tag message who do not want his or her name to be announced through anonymous. Don't really know who u are but i am quite amused by your tags. don't know what is your motive or purpose of writing such words. I have no choice if you still want to continue to type whatever you want since it is all up to you. If i have offended you in anyway previously, den i can just say i am sorry. but, i don't think i have done so aniwae. if i have done so, it just means u have offended me before i even did so.
I HOPE I KNOW WHO YOU ARE.
Okie....don't spoil my mood. talk about my chalet baX. okie la actualli onli wanted to stay 2 D 1 N but in the end it was too nice that i stayed 3 D 2 N. Not that the programmes were nice but the ppl were nice. Very fun lo. Just like what May Yee said, the 2 grps realli knew each other better and i Am realli glad that our bond of class is still there even though not everyone turned up. Talk a lot of craps, a lot of memories, a lot of things....: ) so feeling veri glad and waiting in anticipation for the next December chalet where we have more things to share. Hahax. glad that everyone is still the same and staying so happie and glad lolx.
For more details abt the chalet, think i will say in next time blog.
For now, I must mUG le.
still, thanks for the concern. I am realli thankful to have a realli nice batch of secondary school friends lo.
Thursday, June 09, 2005
okiE....the title has already basically tell you this might be the longest blog i am going to have...Though it is just 4 days after my previous blog, but it is going to be my longest blog, not because i have nothing better to do, because this is the time where i feel i can express what i want to say most...be it good or bad.
Time: 1:38 Am in my sibling's bedroom.
I didn't really know what are friends. Till now, i do not know what are the definition of friends. What do friends mean to me and what do I mean to them because i am never given a clear definition. Sometimes, this sounds very weird to many but in real life, it is true. How many people do you treat well give you back 100% in return? And how many people do you don't treat well treat you much better than you expected them to treat you? (okie...sounds complex right...hope not) :)
Read a lot of my friend's blog....realli got a lot of thinkings from their blog.
What is frienD? i am puzzled...till this moment at the age of 17. Till now, do i know who is true to me? or to some, i am just a passer-by in their life...where they can make millions of them in their life.
well, start off with my JC friends first. Actually, i have always told myself that well, it is a fact that i should accepy myself in this class. Truely, this is a good class where you will make good friends. I repeat. good friends. fullstop. 5 months already, and i still don't know where I stand. Really. It is not easy for met to able to cope with what I am now. Trying to sometimes be very happy when someone said something insulting or whatever or commented on me. It is not easy. But, can i ever do anything? NO.
My class got a lot of clicks, i guess. Some clicks i know they are so good that i will never be able to join them because they already have their own topics. Just like what one of my CT mates who was in the grp said that sometimes they also find it hard to talk to the class cox they also have thier own stuffs to talk about who I might not be interested in. TRUE. So, maybe, the only thing i can do is to crap with them. if you want me to share my problems with them, maybe not now.
Times and times i tried to find a good friend in JC, but times and times what i get is disappointment. I am not complaining or whatever. But why cant i just get a JC friend who knows me well enough to know what i am really feeling? Some people say i like to lie. Why do i lie? For fun? obviously not. not to protect myself. But if you know me, you should know why. Some people say i crap a lot. Do i want to crap? I can't imagine if i stop crapping 1 day. That will be the day i become anti-social. Some people say i am childish like that. some people say i act cute. Some people say i am really very bo liao. Some even say i am a sissy. I really got nothing else to say. How much more can i defend myself? who don't want to be mature? who don't want to be themselves? But under what cirucmstances do we allow us to be just us? NO...not for this world....Imagine someone give you a black face and suddenly tell you...."Can you please shut up?" or say "Ok la...up to you!" or "You very er xin lei" when your main objective is to make them talk and lighten the heavy atmosphere? Some people say we shld just take this comments lightly. But, this is because they have never felt how a clown feels to be attacked when he failed his job. I am also a human. Do you expect me to scream at you when you criticize me like nobody's business? obviously NOT. because i don't want to spoil a friendship that took a long time to buid.
SOME PEOPLE SAY I AM VERY FAKE. I don't even know why they think so when they themselves are not better than me. All this comments will drown me one day......
TO ONE DAY
I MIGHT BREAK DOWN.
somE people will say i also have a very good click in JC. GooD? to what extent? haha. I agree i got to know of 4 friends whom i always i follow along with during times in NY. TRUE. i don't deny that. But, let me repeat, they are 4 GIRLS. I don't expect myself to be always tagging along with them and sometimes, there are things which they would not tell me, just like what i would not tell them.Out of the 4, i don't feel comfortable with particularly 1. don't know why. maybe critcizing me is her "xi guan". She likes to insult me, i guess. say hurting words. And what can i do, tolerate. that was what my 2 other friends in the grp told me. But how long? She even talked bad abt my friends. Say she "bitch"...etc, etc...My friend lei! How long can i tolerate? i don't know. And as i have told you, in my heart, i know there are somethings where they will never tell me...because i am a gUy. simply that. or as it says, JC friends only mah. haha.
someTimes, just feel like looking support from my Secondary friends in NY. But when i look at them, (actually not many), they seem to get along so well with their class....i don't want to disrupt this new environment for them. They are already getting well in this environment. Why should I even disrupt? To be frank speaking, this friend of mine la, i remember that we organised a birthday celebration for him...i know it was quite terrible...but i already tried my best to call every1 to turn up. Then he also got his own CT to celebrate for him. I don't know what did his CT did to make him so touch. But i heard that in his msn, he thanked his class....okie. If i say i am not disappointed or sad, i must be mad. Because that made me feel like we have lost our importance. Maybe i am just being too sensitive. Maybe. I remembered he say i am sometimes hurting. To that, i really don't know when was that but really soree if i had said wrong words at times. But looking at him, now that he has managed to adapt himself to the JC life, i should feel happy for him. And i am really happy for you, for finding your stand. As for me, i am still trying...
Obviously, i cannot disturb my other secondary school friends who are in their own JC lifes or POLY lifes. they are busy studying, and everyone is leading their lives with colours. With excitement. know some of them are also having steads and BGR. they need time to balance. how can i always call them and disturb them? Some of them will be busy with tutorials and all that. How can i say that i want to chat with them when they need to finish more important priorities?
right now, i just want to turn back tiMe.. : (
Am i really happy?
Sometimes, i wonder that. maybe yes, maybe no. BUT ONE THING I CAN SAY: i don't get back the laughter and the happy moments that i have been previously.
For now, i am in JC life. 2 years.
thanks to those who have encouraged me to move on....to stay happy...optimistic.
But, how far can i move on without really feeling happy and grateful?
Studies is what i can see now in my life only....what a grey page.
Some people say that friends drift apart when they get to meet less....I tot i would never agree to that....and till now, even though it is happening...i would never want to agree to it. I dont intend to agree.
what a vague word.
Can someone tell me who is my true friend?
That takes forever, i guess.
Saturday, June 04, 2005
i just wondered how long have i stopped blogging? Not too long...i guess...
This weeK is announced as a SLACKING week...maybw i shld have such a week every year of this week...hahax :) well, what have i done?
29th May, we went to celebrate merVy's bdae...9 ppl turned up (including him)...actually wanted a picnic or whatsoever and eth was prepared..alvin, mw and me even made sandwich (3 boys meddling in the kitchen ...haha....) and just by the time we finished, it rained lo. so disappointing. haha and in the end we had a picnic at...marina bay mrt control station. sounds so stopit rite. Then after that went to arcade to play, then the rest went for bowling. had a hearty chat with some of them....tot it was quite NICE...then all of us sang to mervy 3 times of happy birthday lei...haha...he must be damn embarrassed la...haha : ) but i tot though his celeb was simple...think he must be quite happie...haha...though he still didnt talk too much
haha...den they went chomp chomp at like 8 plus....den i left first...haha...cox gt dinner at home le...: ) -End of story like compo ah-
Okie...i had a so called camp in Chinese...100% in chinese i guess...where i get to meet people of different JC's and some arrogant people i guess...i dunno la....mabi i feel too inferior or whatever, just didn't like the way some other students communicated with me during that period...some were thinking that since they are so clever, it must be a honour...hahax : ) (as if ah)
Well, let me not talk abt the camp cox there is really nth much you would want to hear about lol. Trying to make notes, work hard, sometimes just cnt force myself to do it but then.....still have to. But what shld i do right now? Maths? Geo? I cannot memorise now cox i will forget eth by mYe...lo hahaX...
Okie....tink nxt wk i will have to start working my engine le or it will get rusty...so lame rite...
Anyway my friend told me a joke which i tot was damn funie....
There was this once, when
Chao guo tiao saw Maggi mee...then they were enemies la...
So one day Chao guo tiao hated maggi mee so much that it told maggi mee to leave him alone and never come back again.
The next day, Chao guo tiao saw sphagetti.
Guess what chao guo tiao said????
"don't think because you REBORN your hair den i can't recognise you!"....
How was that? haha...mabi not reall funie but tat day i tot it was la...haha
Don't realli hav much to sae.
For this week.
Mabi bcox it went too plain or i don feel like saying.
I didn't know life can be so practical.
I didn't know some friends are so superficial.
I didn't know that what is Me cannot just be Me.
I didn't know that i cannot let everyone think that i am easy to bully.