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Y


Thursday, January 27, 2011

was quite tired yesterday.
so i actually lie down on the bed @ 3am. lolz.
and what was more eventful was that i couldnt slp all the way till 6am. wahahaha.
just closed my eyes, thoughtless, and it doesnt feel too good la.
luckily and fortunately i am feeling quite fine todaY.

i wiLL probably and shoUld be going for an "escape" to somewhere out of singapore soon.
not really looking forward, but betteR than nothing. lol~

偶尔会想起你
还是难免会突然一鼻酸。
习惯于你理所当然地存在着,
当你不在了,
我佯装一切依然安然无恙。
也的确过得很好,只是偶尔看到背影穿着蓝色衬衫时,
或有时瘫坐在熟悉的沙发上,
会不经意地想起你。
我想,这就是所谓的淡淡哀伤。
没有所谓的大哭大闹,
有的只是时过境迁以后的怀念。
有一些人事物, 这一辈子, 都会留在我们心中,
偶尔泛起涟漪。
原来感觉即是如此。

****************************************************************

你听说过吗?
你曾遇见吗?
在遥远又莫名的星球里,
你是否期望有一与你有相同频率的人出现?
生活偶尔难免让人感到孤寂,
心情偶尔难免会跌到谷底。
偶尔脆弱的人们,总是自以为地活着。
从来不承认自己偶尔也需要有人陪着自己。
吃饭,谈心,说笑话, 唱歌,简单地寒暄。。。
很多人或许都努力地告诉自己可以活得很好吧。
我当然不怀疑。尤其是单身率高的新加坡社会里。

但就因为或在新加坡如此高压的环境里,
我们或许更爱压抑,因此忘了我们最终的基本需要。
心灵上,我们都是否得到了适时地慰藉?

smile always
take caRe
(yAnXing)2011

Sweet-ed <3
6:34 PM


Saturday, January 15, 2011

it is week 1 of the new semester.
i am totally not following my schedule like wad i always do previously.
not that i am in the mood for exchange-like wow! that's great!
but i am just not ready for school yet.
i fear that feeling. like sleep, sleep and sleep. so it basically makes me loss.

i have so many things that i need to do tie up.
choosing to leave it alone and rot is a really bad idea though.
but rationale doesnt seem to go with emotions. ha.

i want to meet the ppl i have met b4.
wondering how they are doing.
how is their life now.
facing stagnation? moving on like a free bird?
observing others make me reflect my own life too.
kind of. special.

do we. at times. feel that we haven been lying through our teeth.
and we do not know that it is wrong?
i seriously don't like escaping to problems.
i find it a really dumb idea.

不要太了解我比较好。
有时候适当的距离是最美的。
如果看了太多, 是否会太现实?

人向来有太多的顾虑。
说什么“活在当下”。
但是之后呢?
都是一些偶像剧才有的话。
偶尔虚假得可以。
如果世界不那么灰暗
或许这一切会比较可行。

简单的。
最幸福的。
我们都想拥有。
但是总是那么困难。
曾几何时真实的话语变得如此难以启齿?
太过简单的人,在这样的世界里,只会变傻。
但是。 这样的位置其实最好。
什么都知道。什么都不知道。
我乐意。

smile always
take care
(yaNxing)2011

Sweet-ed <3
6:23 AM


Monday, January 10, 2011

actually i shldn't be starting school tmr.
but some really dumb reasons made things complicated.
so i will just take it like a usual semester.

it is 2011.
and i am already 22.
that is still quite young.
but that also means that i have passed primary and secondary school.
and the many other childhood memories that i have had.
when we were still little
faults were never faults
boundaries were always clear.
emotions were simple.
life was easy.
there was nothing much to worry.
particularly living in Singapore.
i suppose. to the majority.

when we get older.
the responsibilites come.
naturally sink in.
not giving us much time to anticipate.
dealing with complexity
handling "adult" issues
and learning to control never-seen-before emotions.
we lose things, we gain things, we grow things, we throw things.

such transitions.
often make us lose certain things called "identity".
i am learning to pick mine.
not really easy.
when you need to look @ the world.
the big crowd.
that you know, you hear and you think of.
trying to satisfy, trying to bring across, trying to learn as well,
it is all mutual.

i want to head to the right direction.
never loss in the middle of nowhere.
could i?

smile always
take care
yAnXing-2011

Sweet-ed <3
7:35 AM


Sunday, January 09, 2011

woke up in a series of really clear events.
it is the new year and i am glad everything is still going fine.
things are getting better for everyone around me.
though some are not, i believe it will.

this is a small world filled with too many unknowns.
i hope i will live to discover all of them.
and achieve things i want in life.


smile always
take care
(yAnxing)2011

Sweet-ed <3
10:56 AM


Saturday, January 01, 2011

i have not blogged for like 11 days.
uh~that is quite long when it is the holidays.
actually i did~just that i didnt feel like posting them.
they are too "raw".

i guess i am a stubborn patient.
after getting discharged and given mcs, i chose to ignore it.
not that i do not know i am sick, just that i don't feel sick. (i mean of course i wouldnt want)
i am just losing strength.
how does it feel like?
actually it is quite scary.

the 1st time i lost my strength.
i was really upset. (within my heart of coz)
i was upset not just because i couldnt pull myself up,
but also i don't like the feeling at all.

in fact i thought lying in the hospital would be ok.
you know, like many friends coming to visit you.
for once, you feel "popular"
but everything seemed wrong.
the atmosphere is awkward.
your friends are staring at you.
you repeat the same questions.
you feel terribly weak.
and you don't really wish to say much.
despite the fact that you appreciate your friends for coming.
oh~and the visiting hours is really bad.

so i got discharge, thinking i would be a good fellow.
but this idea seemed totally out of place.
i am really upset about the idea that staying late is getting tough for me nowadays.
i realise my strength gets a lot weaker at late nights.
especially my lower limbs.
my machine gets cramp at times.
i really don't like this feeling.
because i seriously love going out at night-like 1am or so.
i mean i do rest-just that i sleep all the way till the afternoon.

but i know what i should do.
just that my heart isnt following so.
and talking about that,

i think my heart is not feeling too well.
both physically and mentally.
oh~i think it is a bad thing to say such things in the 1st day of new year?

basically, i want to clear everything up.
my books, my notes, my emotions, my health.
i hope they are all going to be cleared clean and good.

sometimes i will like tell my friends how uncomfortable i am feeling.
but i think that makes me very 12 year old.
someone who likes to grumble for nothing.
so i choose to keep.
and i hate the idea of chatterbox.
though i know i am probably unknowingly one.

whatever the case is,
i hope 2011 would be a promising year.
this blog is really much alright.
i had a 1st 2011 blog that was too emotional.
so i practically put it under "draft" so that ppl won't ask me what happened.

when i have enough confident, i will probably publish all my "Drafts".

life goes on.
i will live on for my dreams.
just like most of us does.



smile always
Take care
(YaNxinG)2011

Sweet-ed <3
11:04 AM