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Sunday, July 24, 2005

well..todae sundae...so tot of updating my blog : ) was thinking of what 2 type...then just realise there were too mani things in my mind...that i don't know how 2 start off..

thinKing of chanGing my blog temPlate..
but it is so DifficuLt la.hahax


maBi i am too seNsitive, maBi i thiNk too much...buT i feel terribLe thiS week...not as in physically sick...jusT mentally feeling HorribLe...i hav completed all my woRk...those which i am suppose to hand in by next week...but why do i still feel like that? definitely not bcox nxt wk is my NAPFA or watever...

***jC fRiends fiRst...as if u hav read my previous blogs..u shld know i have a click of friends in JC. yes, a click. guess what? i am running out of topics to talk to them. only 7 months. and i already don't know what else i can say. sometimes, they even feel that i always probe on the same topic. buT, no choice. if not, the group will be in dead silence or either in topic which are so boring. even so, sometimes i hav to engage the other person's attention by talking to her soMething which i am not interested in but interest them. i think i really doN't understand them, at all. to be frank, i don't know what they are thinking about. i doN't think thEy will ever share their problems. superficially, we are a grp of gd friends. but, in reality? is tat tRue? i doN't know..the saMe kind of expressions..the samE kind of Life...one daY, i might go crazi. eSpecially @ times when they always think u will score the higHest iN class when u have said no for "N" timeS..

***mY cLass...now then i realise i have not accepted the fact that i am in this cLass. whY? beaTs me. 7 months with no class gatherings, and i doubt anyone will go. anD me too...sadly, not contributing anitink to make this class united...nOw only leaving 5 clicks rather than having a class...oNe day, i thInk i might be saddened by the atmosphere i am living in from mOnday to friDay. it is almost impossible for me to trust anYone in mY cLass,be it sharing my proBlems. it's so saD wheN u see others already adapting so well in theIr class whereas u are stILL one.

***i tiNk i aM starting to Lose contact with my Secondary fRiends...they are always so busy. 2 setences and they will say brb. ya. maybe i am too sensitive again. hahax. i don't know. i haven met the whole grp of rebel for nearly a month and i am starting to wonder when i can meet them again. theY are the onLy grp wheRe i caN tel them how terriBle i feeL righT now. bUt, in Pity, soMe of them are too bUsy to eveN take notE that thEre's sOmething wrOng with me. EspecialLy thoSe whoM i tot they would realise sOmething iS wrong wif mE. hOping that we will meet next week. hOping.i remember typing that in my previous blog....and that had became dashed hoPes. hahax.

i need to CRY. i need a TALK. but, there is no one that i can trust to do so. or those who i trust, are too busy to lend me a listening ear. i can't cRy now. my tears just don't fall. My friends... they also have their own problems, ya. hahax. they also have their troubles. i am the one who is calling them. "them"...hahax. hahax. was so glad to talk to alvin yesterday for nearly an hr. hmmx. at least i know he keeps the grp going. the rest? all goNe....especially those who always study so hard. i don't see why there is nO time to MEET. soree...my mood is going doWn. : ( neveR mind.

remember this situation. i told my JC friend if she really cannot go and eat with us, never mind. it was out of kindness. really. but another girl said something like that "ni bu yao jia hao xin la"....(don't try to act nice). wonder whether she was joking. but i felt terribly bad. my kindness was tot to be a fake one. hahax. i got nth to say.

yA...i shld be dealth with seriously for being so sensitive and unreasonable.
so untolerant.
so bo liaox.
so childish.
mabi i will get better soon. but my horoscope says it will go worse.

***sometimes i feel like letting out a scream...
suAn le
i am 17.
some things ppl juX don wan to cHerisH.
buT i WANT.


never mind...it's time for me to move on to my MATHS...
ya, maths homework.
hahax.
: (

Sweet-ed <3
7:10 PM