Doraemon

Monday, September 05, 2011

一直误以为自己可以像以往一样没有顾及地冲刺。
但是我的身体却不断地在和我作出无声的抗议。
近日不断地觉得疲倦，厌倦，甚至觉得读书是一件很辛苦的事。
已经没有往日那股不停歇的冲劲了。这样的感觉一点也不好。一点也不好。
身体原来那么地不堪一击。它原来真的需要好好地休息。
我却一直没有给予他任何休息的权利。真是实在可恶。

哈哈。

所以，近日，我实在累得快垮了。尤其是还要面对一些课业以外的事物。很是累人。
每天好像必须遇到不同的事物。无论是家庭也好，友情也好，爱情也好，
他们渐渐地都让我感到疲惫与盲目。我已经不知道我在做什么了。

所以，我真的希望。恳切地希望。
我能够认真地对待我的身体。和我想说话的人说话。如果我不想回答我就是不想回答的权利。
我再也不想为课业以外的事情而感到有压力。我真的是觉得够了。

所以。从今天起。
我只想做我想做的事。
做让我快乐的事情。
让我找回自己读书的快乐。
其他的事情和其他的人，我一点也不想再提也不想再聊了。
过去的事。我也不想再重提了。

依然相信，明天会更好。

smile always
take care
(yAnxing)2011

Sweet-ed <3

12:27 AM

Friday, September 02, 2011

the weather must have been pretty bad.
or i should blame it on my brother and sister. they might have passed the bacteria to me.
so, once a again, try as i might not, i am sick again.
i am like. how many more times must this keep going on.
just when i have finally resumed school and finally thought i can move on to my pace.
i realse that this "pace" is so difficult to maintain.
harder than the time i had a fall. or probably because i am simply giving myself too much stress.

but then, i doubt so. because everyone is behaving the same way as me. Just how they behave. that is the diference.

i had a really long class on wednesday: from a very early 9am to 6pm. i was actly sick from sunDay. but as usual, i will just be myself. CRAP. haha. went for steamboat on mondaY at a totally off-period. so my class on wedNesday actly freaked me out. because by 6pm; i felt that my body wasn't mine. i was SHAG. especially my face. i am so lucky there wasn't a mirror around. if not i would have puked at my own face. there was a dicussion at around 7pm. so i just hang and the discussion ended at 930pm? everything was actually wrong at 3pm. i was talking nonsense in tutorial, stammering and stuttering like nobody's business and i actually knocked into a glass noticeboard unconsciously. like slam onto it. i think my uni friends saw it and they kinda tot i must be mad. too stressed up. lol

wanted to cab but there was no cab. and to my amazement, i tot i had an illusion when i saw this couple at the bus stop that was PDA-ing 2 hrs before and 2 hrs after i reached the same bus-stop. i even asked my friend whether i was having an illusion. i think they must have heard it; that's why they turned and looked at me. but i couldnt really bother. cause afterwhich , i actually hailed for a school bus when i was waiting for a SBS bus.

probably because i was fortunate enough, i tried to keep calm throughout the journey. talk like the usual way, crap as the usual way, so when i finally reached circle line, i was like..."finally i am near home"...probably because i haven had a chance to relieve my stress or wadever, or probably because the heat was totally burning up my brain, as i see the crowd walking past me in CCL, i just felt so helpless. like oh gosh. am i going to faint here? the trauma of fainting is too huge for me. from previous records. lol. so thinking about the whole day's agenda, i actually teared. like why am i so CRAZY. hmmz. i think it is normal especially when u are alone and u thought something big is going to happen. thursdAy (after i saw a very inexperienced doc.), i practically became even more tired. my legs weren't behaving itself. they FELT so weak that i thought i was going to fall again. so during class, i kept standing up and down every 20mins or so...just to pre-empt that i won't fall. i think the ppl ard me must be tinking tat i am crazY.

so i have been resting and doing nth impt for the past 5 days. such that i hate myself for being so vulnerable to INFECTIONS AND VIRUSES. gosh. probably they liked me so much that they must stick to me. whatever.
and yes, i am going to sleep AGAIN.oh mine.

smile always
take care
(YanXing)2011

Sweet-ed <3

5:41 AM