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Y


Saturday, January 01, 2011

i have not blogged for like 11 days.
uh~that is quite long when it is the holidays.
actually i did~just that i didnt feel like posting them.
they are too "raw".

i guess i am a stubborn patient.
after getting discharged and given mcs, i chose to ignore it.
not that i do not know i am sick, just that i don't feel sick. (i mean of course i wouldnt want)
i am just losing strength.
how does it feel like?
actually it is quite scary.

the 1st time i lost my strength.
i was really upset. (within my heart of coz)
i was upset not just because i couldnt pull myself up,
but also i don't like the feeling at all.

in fact i thought lying in the hospital would be ok.
you know, like many friends coming to visit you.
for once, you feel "popular"
but everything seemed wrong.
the atmosphere is awkward.
your friends are staring at you.
you repeat the same questions.
you feel terribly weak.
and you don't really wish to say much.
despite the fact that you appreciate your friends for coming.
oh~and the visiting hours is really bad.

so i got discharge, thinking i would be a good fellow.
but this idea seemed totally out of place.
i am really upset about the idea that staying late is getting tough for me nowadays.
i realise my strength gets a lot weaker at late nights.
especially my lower limbs.
my machine gets cramp at times.
i really don't like this feeling.
because i seriously love going out at night-like 1am or so.
i mean i do rest-just that i sleep all the way till the afternoon.

but i know what i should do.
just that my heart isnt following so.
and talking about that,

i think my heart is not feeling too well.
both physically and mentally.
oh~i think it is a bad thing to say such things in the 1st day of new year?

basically, i want to clear everything up.
my books, my notes, my emotions, my health.
i hope they are all going to be cleared clean and good.

sometimes i will like tell my friends how uncomfortable i am feeling.
but i think that makes me very 12 year old.
someone who likes to grumble for nothing.
so i choose to keep.
and i hate the idea of chatterbox.
though i know i am probably unknowingly one.

whatever the case is,
i hope 2011 would be a promising year.
this blog is really much alright.
i had a 1st 2011 blog that was too emotional.
so i practically put it under "draft" so that ppl won't ask me what happened.

when i have enough confident, i will probably publish all my "Drafts".

life goes on.
i will live on for my dreams.
just like most of us does.



smile always
Take care
(YaNxinG)2011

Sweet-ed <3
11:04 AM