Doraemon

Sunday, March 11, 2012

left this place for such a long time.lol~
my mind went blank when i was thinking about "password".
gosh~ what is the password to blog.
guess memory really has a certain amt. of storage.(though i seriously feel that the capacity to our memory is unlimited. it is always up to someone to choose whether they remember certain things. or not.)

2012 has been over for almost 3 months. slacking and rushing seem to be the best terms that i can use to describe my current lifestyle. sometimes, time progress so fast that i think most of us do not even have any time to just sit down and reflect on what we have done. We just keep moving on and on and on...gosh~and one day, we don't even realize that we are already XX old. ~lol~

i am of course filled with gratitude for living in Singapore(Though i often grumble and complain about the fact that the disparity in income within our nations is impossibly large- and it makes me even more agitated looking at the buildings @ keppel bay~) I wish i was one of the residents too, seriously~

come to think abt it, 23+++ is a pretty embarrassing age. in some other countries, people are married or already working; some might have already set up their own businesses or whatsoever~ where i am at 23? well, it seemed just the same as when i am 16. maybe not that true, because i am no longer that "innocent"-so it gets kind of tough to keep this kind of energy u have at 16 going on. and the nice virtues. but well. we have to. too many things in life that is going around us have proven to us we need to make life more beautiful. especially towards people and the environment. [ok, this is kind of getting boring] lolz.

oh~ and i think i am learning to balance many things that i need to commit and work towards in life. i believe many people are facing the same issues as me. let's all work together and try our best to resolve the difficulties we might have. and maybe before we grumble, we should for 1 moment, be thankful that we are living in, Singapore. not trying to be patriotic but comparing to the world, it shld be a whole lot thankful to be part of this countrY.

smile alwayS
take cAre
(yAnXing)2012

Sweet-ed <3

6:58 AM

Thursday, December 08, 2011

haven't really blogged for sometime. also because sometimes blogging has lost its meaning. how "private" can it be? or do we really blog the truth? i would always try to hang on to the latter. though. it is not really tough to be honest. actually.

and since it is the holidays, i am really glad that i have 6 weeks to take a break. slack around. do nothing. (okie. obviously i can't be doing "nothing".) lolz. am suppose to complete 2 assignments by the end of the holidays but i have not started a single bit. i am practically lazy. well...i will start soon.

i am doing quite well. listening to nice songs when i am free. lying in the bed as if everyday has 240 hrs. of course, there are many things in life waiting for me to initiate or to start off; but i am too lazy to do them.

for the past semester, i have been pretty stress for no particular reason; feeling kind of down for no particular reason; and i would like to thank my friends for always being around. despite the fact that we are getting older, shouldering more responsibilities and having more important commitments in life. so i am always thankful for the support that they give. be it just a simple outing or a chat via wadsapp or a buffet lunch. everything is too precious; such that i should never ever take them for granted. be it which grp of friends, they make me forget about things which are in my mind subconsciously and let me stay the way i am.

as for the other aspects of life,
i am too timid to bring them on as of yet.
living my dreams would probably be the best thing i can try to do currently.
though i believe this route is never going to be easy
will still move on and try...

for one day,
i hoPe, i can do what i waNt and
be
REALLY HAPPY

＂喜欢一个人很容易，爱一个人之后再维持一段感情很难。＂
＂还是学不会。。。”
－林俊杰＜学不会＞
a very nice song~~

smile always
take care
(yanXing)2011

Sweet-ed <3

6:19 AM

Monday, October 17, 2011

my post got deleted after typing like for 15 mins?
nvm. lolz. life is always unpredictable. just like ur computer.

好糟糕的比喻。哈哈。

我最近过得还不错。真的是不错的。
有一天，我的好朋友告诉了我一句话，
算是当头棒喝的最好例子了。
“你真的是身在福中不知福啊！”
的确，我已经非常的幸福了。还有什么抱怨，我真的是被宠坏了。
可不想应验了“排行最小最惹人厌”的称号啊。

所以，有些人误以为现在的我十分反常。何谓“反常”？
其实这样的定义让人很无所适从。因为实在懒得解释，我只好一笑置之。

真的不是为了改变而改变，
而只是想和真的想说话的人说话，
想和值得成为朋友的朋友聊天。

这叫做～自～己～

当然，这样的“叛逆”生活只能是一部分而已，毕竟现实是无法容忍完全地“真实”存在的。

很多事情，
无论人事物
会随着时间而流逝，不经意地，我们也会渐渐淡忘。
当然如果太刻意只会造成反效果啦。

但是，我想说的是，
请不要把我设定在“理想的框架”中。
“理想”归“理想”，人不是为了别人而活。
这样，很辛苦。当然，这也只可能是生活的一小部分的宣言罢了。

太多废话了。
总之，人还是得向前看。
还有，如果我曾经不小心“骚扰”你，真的是万分致歉。
应该是我的神经线粗了；
我正在学习“不求人”，
又是谁说我不能“喜欢寂寞”呢？哈哈。

身体健康！
smile always
take caRe
(yAnXing)2011

Sweet-ed <3

12:39 PM

Monday, September 05, 2011

一直误以为自己可以像以往一样没有顾及地冲刺。
但是我的身体却不断地在和我作出无声的抗议。
近日不断地觉得疲倦，厌倦，甚至觉得读书是一件很辛苦的事。
已经没有往日那股不停歇的冲劲了。这样的感觉一点也不好。一点也不好。
身体原来那么地不堪一击。它原来真的需要好好地休息。
我却一直没有给予他任何休息的权利。真是实在可恶。

哈哈。

所以，近日，我实在累得快垮了。尤其是还要面对一些课业以外的事物。很是累人。
每天好像必须遇到不同的事物。无论是家庭也好，友情也好，爱情也好，
他们渐渐地都让我感到疲惫与盲目。我已经不知道我在做什么了。

所以，我真的希望。恳切地希望。
我能够认真地对待我的身体。和我想说话的人说话。如果我不想回答我就是不想回答的权利。
我再也不想为课业以外的事情而感到有压力。我真的是觉得够了。

所以。从今天起。
我只想做我想做的事。
做让我快乐的事情。
让我找回自己读书的快乐。
其他的事情和其他的人，我一点也不想再提也不想再聊了。
过去的事。我也不想再重提了。

依然相信，明天会更好。

smile always
take care
(yAnxing)2011

Sweet-ed <3

12:27 AM

Friday, September 02, 2011

the weather must have been pretty bad.
or i should blame it on my brother and sister. they might have passed the bacteria to me.
so, once a again, try as i might not, i am sick again.
i am like. how many more times must this keep going on.
just when i have finally resumed school and finally thought i can move on to my pace.
i realse that this "pace" is so difficult to maintain.
harder than the time i had a fall. or probably because i am simply giving myself too much stress.

but then, i doubt so. because everyone is behaving the same way as me. Just how they behave. that is the diference.

i had a really long class on wednesday: from a very early 9am to 6pm. i was actly sick from sunDay. but as usual, i will just be myself. CRAP. haha. went for steamboat on mondaY at a totally off-period. so my class on wedNesday actly freaked me out. because by 6pm; i felt that my body wasn't mine. i was SHAG. especially my face. i am so lucky there wasn't a mirror around. if not i would have puked at my own face. there was a dicussion at around 7pm. so i just hang and the discussion ended at 930pm? everything was actually wrong at 3pm. i was talking nonsense in tutorial, stammering and stuttering like nobody's business and i actually knocked into a glass noticeboard unconsciously. like slam onto it. i think my uni friends saw it and they kinda tot i must be mad. too stressed up. lol

wanted to cab but there was no cab. and to my amazement, i tot i had an illusion when i saw this couple at the bus stop that was PDA-ing 2 hrs before and 2 hrs after i reached the same bus-stop. i even asked my friend whether i was having an illusion. i think they must have heard it; that's why they turned and looked at me. but i couldnt really bother. cause afterwhich , i actually hailed for a school bus when i was waiting for a SBS bus.

probably because i was fortunate enough, i tried to keep calm throughout the journey. talk like the usual way, crap as the usual way, so when i finally reached circle line, i was like..."finally i am near home"...probably because i haven had a chance to relieve my stress or wadever, or probably because the heat was totally burning up my brain, as i see the crowd walking past me in CCL, i just felt so helpless. like oh gosh. am i going to faint here? the trauma of fainting is too huge for me. from previous records. lol. so thinking about the whole day's agenda, i actually teared. like why am i so CRAZY. hmmz. i think it is normal especially when u are alone and u thought something big is going to happen. thursdAy (after i saw a very inexperienced doc.), i practically became even more tired. my legs weren't behaving itself. they FELT so weak that i thought i was going to fall again. so during class, i kept standing up and down every 20mins or so...just to pre-empt that i won't fall. i think the ppl ard me must be tinking tat i am crazY.

so i have been resting and doing nth impt for the past 5 days. such that i hate myself for being so vulnerable to INFECTIONS AND VIRUSES. gosh. probably they liked me so much that they must stick to me. whatever.
and yes, i am going to sleep AGAIN.oh mine.

smile always
take care
(YanXing)2011

Sweet-ed <3

5:41 AM

Friday, August 12, 2011

如果有发现到会察觉我最近写的其实可以归类为两个字：废话。

这几次所打出来的字眼其实很多时候，就连我也不知道我是否真的这么想。
我想10年之后应该会觉得自己很幼稚吧。

school has finally started.
i am trying to get use to waking up early to get to school. so far.
still love the journey when i am on the train and on the bus.
probably because no one actually knows me. so it is really great. at times.

i realise i cant really tirate many things well in life.
apparently there are so much things for me to learn besides studying. of coz.
though i would say studying is part of my life. it will probably go on.

i tend to lose my balance and forget things sometimes.
reminding myself doesn't always seem easy, but i will try hard.
i need to stick to my goal, my aim and probably for now,
that is the most important priority.

i remember i was walking (probably like 10 years or 15 years ago),
i was walking pass this shop with my aunty and my siblings,
we saw this really cute statues that were smiling.
i remember the message from them till now.
sadly, i havent been doing too well but i believe i will try.
the world is too complex to understand,
what's more understanding a person.

不听，不看，不说
我会很努力地去做到。
让自己在这慌乱多变的人与社会之间找到属于自己的宁静。
毕竟我也已经23岁了。
该是时候让自己不要这么彷徨了。

加油。
yanxing
smiLe alwayS
take CarE(2011)

Sweet-ed <3

12:02 PM

Monday, August 08, 2011

这是我的部落格。私人的空间。
写什么，我相信应该都有一定的权利。
被束缚得太久，人会变得沉默，然后无趣。

我想因此，把我想说的都说出来。没有责任地说。

我们都认为。我们也深信。
人总是美好的。当我们呱呱坠地的时候，我们就有着这样的观念。
渐渐地，因为生活被社会现实所框架着，这样的想法受到了一定的扭曲。
开始觉得人并没有想象的美好。
甚至有一些与自己的想法有太大的出入的人。出现在和自己同样的星球上。
因为共存着，所以我们必须习惯，接受，容纳。

我呢？
很多时候，我无意识地习惯着生活。
安于现状，然后就这样地发呆者。
在遇到人生的一些挫折时，不是选择逃避就是选择用另一件事来掩盖之前的事情。
就这样，不停地继续地生活。
因为不喜欢冷场，所以娱乐大众。看到其他人笑，为自己能够都逗乐别人而感到开心。
所以当我沉默时，短短地5分钟，就会被归类为“你今天还好吗？”“你很奇怪！”
渐渐地，我远离沉默许久。
在生活中，我成了话匣子。只要觉得有空隙的时间我就觉得不自在。
有时候，说的笑话根本一点都不好笑，还要顾虑别人的反应。
甚至偶尔觉得自己很白痴。
或许，这是我至少觉得自己可以发挥所长的地方。
反正，我也找不到其他理由说明别人和我攀谈的原因。

所以，我偶尔觉得自己有些可悲。
连好好地做自己的勇气也没有。
付出了很多，也不见得会被珍惜。社会就是这样运作着。
但是我必须告诉我自己，我一定要这么做。
因为如果我连最基本的付出都做不到，那么我也没有什么生存的意义了。

但是因为如此，很多时候我忘了看看自己。
自己是否对得起自己。
对得起自己并不是说要宠爱自己。
是发自内心的对得起自己。

这个漫长的假期。直到现在，我才真正了解。体会。
我需要的不是人们眼中所谓的缺乏。
现在的我。
只希望能够努力。
努力地往自己的梦想出发。努力地学着做自己。
当然，在这样的过程中，我会失去一些什么。
但是人生本来就如此。不完美也是一种美。是吧？

明天起。
我想重新整理。
为自己的未来好好打算。
也不要辜负对我好的亲人和朋友。

失去了联络。
忘记了名字。
看清了生活。
放下了情感。
卸下了面具。

我要加倍地用心与努力。
好好地努力。才对得起自己。

smile always
take care
(yaNxing)2011

Sweet-ed <3

9:49 AM